In HER Bikini....My LAST relationship...Part 1....
I will continue my Quarantine post soon. Just felt compelled to write a bit today on this cold, boring afternoon.
Recently, my Sister came by to bring me a few boxes of things I had left behind at our old house which is currently being renovated. For a while I staked them in a corner promising myself I'd get to sorting through them at one point or another.....A few weeks had passed....Holidays....BEYOND overworked and understaffed. Horrible customers. No time to rest. Just WORK, SLEEP, WORK....Just recently, however, the stars aligned and allowed me to get a three day weekend off....NOW I could catch up on the piling housework and errands that had been on my mind.
I couldn't sleep Thursday night so I woke up around 3 am, fixed a small snack with leftover goulash and a berry smoothie and decided to investigate the contents of those boxes finally....I dragged all three to the living room and sat on the couch. First box....Pleasant surprises of my old Japanese Super Famicom with over 20 games still in good condition! Kirby Triple Deluxe, Batman Returns, Final Fight 3....I had long forgotten what I had done with all these!!! I decided I'd keep my favorites and possibly sell the others via eBay for extra cash as retro games can fetch a good bit of coinage.....
As my spirit lifted from this find, I went to the next box.....Quite heavy and nearly falling apart....My large assortment of various Spawn figures...I was obsessed (and still am to some degree) with these in the early 2000s.....Most with mild damage, scuffing and missing accessories....They will be a hard eBay sale, but I'd concluded I'd make a price on the lot I didn't want for myself......Lastly, the largest box....
At first, seemed like a lot of nothing....Old tax preparation papers, files from my old job, a few random comic books and cards.....And near the bottom a crushed gift bag adorned with hearts and lace......I thought I'd never have to see this again.....
Inside were the two swimsuits I had purchased for my EX-GF and a vintage Frederick's of Hollywood Satin Teddy....Still untouched since 2008...buried away like I had tried to do with the memories from that time.....Still with the lovey-dovey almost CRINGE-worthy card I had placed within.....That was a dark time......but I learned.
"GET OFF ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!" She yelled as I tried to giver her a hug and tell her about the evening I had planned for Valentine's Day.....I couldn't understand this mood with her. She seemed so excited for her surprise the other day.
"Look, uh.....my Mom is sick so....I can't do what ever you had planned ok?"
"It's just not good for ME right now..."
"If you were a better boyfriend you'd know when to stop pressuring me!"
I didn't understand.....I'd always been supportive, giving to a fault and if I do say so myself....I'd been the DOER in this toxic arrangement my younger self was foolish enough to think was a "normal" relationship.
She set rules and boundaries, but seemed to not care about my boundaries...MY feelings....I tolerated HER male friends.....(If I didn't *I* was being controlling)....I tolerated her never having time for dates...But...miraculously finding time for her male friends.....I tolerated being the giver while she forgot me every single holiday.....NONE of this made sense.....My naive mind seemed to bar me from a truth so easily seen....
This wasn't like the merry, sexy women I grew up around and went to school with throughout the 80's and 90's.....No magic...no hand holding...no bright sunny days at the Lion's Bay Park laughing away the hours....No late night runs to the neon covered diner for burgers and malts after a passionate love making session....
Just nothing......"Ok..." I said...."Maybe I'll call you later tonight...."
She didn't answer the phone that night.....Straight to voicemail every time.....I just went to bed.
I didn't find out the truth until later the next day.....Her cousin had finally clued me into what everyone around me already knew.....Guess this person felt pity for seeing a guy deluded into thinking he was in a relationship dangle on the line....
She had slept with two people on Valentine's Day.......She had been cheating since day one.....
I kept it together long enough to thank this person and act like I was unbothered by this....
I was internally crushed.....and in some small doses relieved by finally hearing the truth I couldn't bring myself to. I felt unloved, angry, emasculated and humiliated.....
I....I needed to get away.......BECOME someone else so I wouldn't have to deal with this.....
As I sat in the parking lot of a Dollar General I felt a feeling that I hadn't had in several years......
The need......no, DESIRE to be wrapped in the loving embrace of satins and silky nylon.....I wanted to escape being a Man for a while......I made "The Appointment"
In a whirlwind of passion I drove out of town to the Adam as Eve burlesque photography studio the next evening..........I tried to talk myself out of it......."No.....No, Gina.....You can't make me become....you again......"
She taunted through he glossy full lips....."You can never get away from my embrace forever....."
I looked around nervously and quickly walked in.....I was met by Eileen the photographer.....as she poured me some wine and brought me to the hot spa room to be prepared to have hair removal gel applied and set......
After a few moments, I was treated to the hot towel removal of all my body hair.......I felt so light and free....and feminine......I went to the whirlpool bath to soak away for a half an hour......Just staring at the mirrored ceiling thinking just what am I doing....???
After getting my silk robe I sat down with the make up artist and requested a 40's mixed with 80's make up style with a wig with a "wedding day" updo......
Eileen asked me what photo set I would like......
Despite Valentine's Day being several days removed, I still wanted the V-Day set with red lingerie.....
I wanted to be my OWN woman for the day I had missed out on....
Recently, my Sister came by to bring me a few boxes of things I had left behind at our old house which is currently being renovated. For a while I staked them in a corner promising myself I'd get to sorting through them at one point or another.....A few weeks had passed....Holidays....BEYOND overworked and understaffed. Horrible customers. No time to rest. Just WORK, SLEEP, WORK....Just recently, however, the stars aligned and allowed me to get a three day weekend off....NOW I could catch up on the piling housework and errands that had been on my mind.
I couldn't sleep Thursday night so I woke up around 3 am, fixed a small snack with leftover goulash and a berry smoothie and decided to investigate the contents of those boxes finally....I dragged all three to the living room and sat on the couch. First box....Pleasant surprises of my old Japanese Super Famicom with over 20 games still in good condition! Kirby Triple Deluxe, Batman Returns, Final Fight 3....I had long forgotten what I had done with all these!!! I decided I'd keep my favorites and possibly sell the others via eBay for extra cash as retro games can fetch a good bit of coinage.....
As my spirit lifted from this find, I went to the next box.....Quite heavy and nearly falling apart....My large assortment of various Spawn figures...I was obsessed (and still am to some degree) with these in the early 2000s.....Most with mild damage, scuffing and missing accessories....They will be a hard eBay sale, but I'd concluded I'd make a price on the lot I didn't want for myself......Lastly, the largest box....
At first, seemed like a lot of nothing....Old tax preparation papers, files from my old job, a few random comic books and cards.....And near the bottom a crushed gift bag adorned with hearts and lace......I thought I'd never have to see this again.....
Inside were the two swimsuits I had purchased for my EX-GF and a vintage Frederick's of Hollywood Satin Teddy....Still untouched since 2008...buried away like I had tried to do with the memories from that time.....Still with the lovey-dovey almost CRINGE-worthy card I had placed within.....That was a dark time......but I learned.
"GET OFF ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!" She yelled as I tried to giver her a hug and tell her about the evening I had planned for Valentine's Day.....I couldn't understand this mood with her. She seemed so excited for her surprise the other day.
"Look, uh.....my Mom is sick so....I can't do what ever you had planned ok?"
"It's just not good for ME right now..."
"If you were a better boyfriend you'd know when to stop pressuring me!"
I didn't understand.....I'd always been supportive, giving to a fault and if I do say so myself....I'd been the DOER in this toxic arrangement my younger self was foolish enough to think was a "normal" relationship.
She set rules and boundaries, but seemed to not care about my boundaries...MY feelings....I tolerated HER male friends.....(If I didn't *I* was being controlling)....I tolerated her never having time for dates...But...miraculously finding time for her male friends.....I tolerated being the giver while she forgot me every single holiday.....NONE of this made sense.....My naive mind seemed to bar me from a truth so easily seen....
This wasn't like the merry, sexy women I grew up around and went to school with throughout the 80's and 90's.....No magic...no hand holding...no bright sunny days at the Lion's Bay Park laughing away the hours....No late night runs to the neon covered diner for burgers and malts after a passionate love making session....
Just nothing......"Ok..." I said...."Maybe I'll call you later tonight...."
She didn't answer the phone that night.....Straight to voicemail every time.....I just went to bed.
I didn't find out the truth until later the next day.....Her cousin had finally clued me into what everyone around me already knew.....Guess this person felt pity for seeing a guy deluded into thinking he was in a relationship dangle on the line....
She had slept with two people on Valentine's Day.......She had been cheating since day one.....
I kept it together long enough to thank this person and act like I was unbothered by this....
I was internally crushed.....and in some small doses relieved by finally hearing the truth I couldn't bring myself to. I felt unloved, angry, emasculated and humiliated.....
I....I needed to get away.......BECOME someone else so I wouldn't have to deal with this.....
As I sat in the parking lot of a Dollar General I felt a feeling that I hadn't had in several years......
The need......no, DESIRE to be wrapped in the loving embrace of satins and silky nylon.....I wanted to escape being a Man for a while......I made "The Appointment"
In a whirlwind of passion I drove out of town to the Adam as Eve burlesque photography studio the next evening..........I tried to talk myself out of it......."No.....No, Gina.....You can't make me become....you again......"
She taunted through he glossy full lips....."You can never get away from my embrace forever....."
I looked around nervously and quickly walked in.....I was met by Eileen the photographer.....as she poured me some wine and brought me to the hot spa room to be prepared to have hair removal gel applied and set......
After a few moments, I was treated to the hot towel removal of all my body hair.......I felt so light and free....and feminine......I went to the whirlpool bath to soak away for a half an hour......Just staring at the mirrored ceiling thinking just what am I doing....???
After getting my silk robe I sat down with the make up artist and requested a 40's mixed with 80's make up style with a wig with a "wedding day" updo......
Eileen asked me what photo set I would like......
Despite Valentine's Day being several days removed, I still wanted the V-Day set with red lingerie.....
I wanted to be my OWN woman for the day I had missed out on....
4 years ago
