How I got here

I suppose I fit a particular stereotype of the sexually dissatisfied long-time married woman in her 50s. I married young,had been almost entirely faithful up to 2019, brought up the family and then they had gone. Intimacy with my husband became infrequent and predictable. I had grown accustomed to just going through the motions and not feeling womanly or desireable. That started to change in 2018 when I was shopping at Tesco and a man approached me out of the blue and gave me his phone number! I spent a long time then wondering what he could see in me that I couldn't. I never called him.

Near Christmas that year I had just finished cleaning the houseone afternoon and sat down with my phone after having a shower, feeling a bit lost for what to do. I don't know why but I googled "free chat" and a few options popped up. Some looked dodgy, or needed downloads that I didn't want on my phone. There was one website that I tried. I lasted 15 minutes because of the messages I received which were almost all extremely explicit. The dutiful wife in me was shocked but the well-hidden woman was intrigued. I spent that Christmas and New Year working out how I felt and whether I would go to that site again.

But go there I did, in early 2019. It coincided with me really feeling the impact of the menopause. It changes your body and how you are sexually. Nature is calling time on your sex organs but not your mind. I rarely orgasmed, did not "feel" sexy but was beginning to accept that I wanted sexual experiences that my husband would never give me. I opened my mind to the chat and went with it. As a woman, you get bombarded with messages and pics but some stand out. There was one from a man about 25 miles away who quite simply stated "I need someone to suck my cock tonight, will it be you?"

I tingled, froze, felt excitement, wanted to put my phone down, so many confusing feelings but the truth of the matter was that I felt compelled to reply and see what would happen. He gave me his details. He was 65, had just retired, had been looking at porn for a few hours "edging" (I didn't know what that was at the time) and he "needed a woman to empty into" and it looked like that might be me. He was assertive, confident and direct but not pushy or abusive. He gave me a location and a time along with the description of his car. I was to drive there, park next to him, get out of my car topless and get into his, lean over and "service" his cock the way he wanted it to be done.

I don't really know what exactly flicked the switch, but I agreed to meet him.

Look, I have never told ANYONE about the things I have done. I think I could do with getting it out. Is writing like this a good way of doing it?