Why do I do this? Why do I dress? What do I want?

I started dressing as a teenager, as many do, by getting dressed in my mother's clothes - bras, kickers, and even a girdle I seem to remember. I do however remember vividly the feelings and especially the sexual feelings that this caused. This was inevitably a furtive but pleasurable time.

Whilst at school I had several experiences of sucking cock and mutual wanking with boys at the school (it was a boarding school) and some of those relationships lasted for several months at a time. They were not just one night stands but more than that. I loved having a hard cock in my mouth and feeling it explode in my mouth. I loved kissing my partners and sharing that cum.

However, I also had normal heterosexual relationships with girls. When I left school and went to college I only had relationships with women and eventually got married and settled down into what I guess for many is a normal lifestyle.

But in my thirties for some reason I started dressing again firstly using my wife's clothes and underwear and then started buying my own when I found that I desired to dress more and more. That desire being the feeling of being sexy and wanting to be as like a woman as I could be. It brought all those original teenage feelings back to the front of my mind.

I have dressed on and off ever since - the desire to do so hitting me hard followed by the recrimination and the purging of my wardrobe followed by re-starting all over again. Thus, I have always been a married and closeted crossdresser.

I am now back dressing again and loving that feeling of my clitty hardening as I put on my bra and thong and a lovely dress or skirt. I so want to be that girl. I am now often remembering those early boyhood relationships and the feeling of sucking on a nice hard cock. The desire for being able to that again is now growing again.

I now dress in bra and knickers or thong almost every day under my 'man clothes' and dress fully as a woman often as I can. OMG it makes me feel so good.

I have come to realise that I want to be treated as a lady and taken to bed and made love to as a women. I want to suck a cock again and taste that lovely cum. I want to be a cum slut and receive facials again. I also want to experience lying on my back with a lovely hard cock sliding into my boy pussy and my clitty hardening as my partner fucks me hard. I have a relatively small clitty but I am sure that it will bring joy to any partner too.