Pastor O'Leary Lecture

(On the intercom) To all students, faculty and staff: Pastor O'Leary from the Church of Purity will be in the auditorium after school today as our guest lecturer. Today's topic is titled, "Evidence proves that masturbation will make you go blind." As a follow-up Pastor O'Leary will return for another lecture next week "Abstinence: the only sure way to avoid hell.". As an added bonus, there will be church counselors available for students who need to "pray away the gay". PTA cookies and punch will be served. Carry on.