Concerning Lilith
This was initially written in response to HK's blog concerning Lilith. It's an ongoing thought and not meant to yet be complete:
http://xhamster.com/photos/view/1329544-21853811.html
Michaela has written THE best account on Lilith I have ever seen. She took the important parts of all the stories about Lilith and put them into a very concise, but thorough narrative. I was blown away when I read it because I have never been able to find such a complete description of Lilith. I would defintitely check out her blog.
But I think if Lilith could ever actually be summarized, it would just be that she is the representation of the force that threatens the establishment. Because our culture is predominantly male, she is personified in female form. She is the spirit that is born BECAUSE of male dominance, but she is also the force that threatens to undermine that dominance. She is all the desires our culture represses for the sake of law, and order, and civility. She is the tension that builds and feeds upon our attempts to deny that certain desires of ours even exist.
None of this makes her evil, mind you. She isn't a Satanic figure, who arises as we deny acting upon our desires. Lilith arises when we deny that those desires don't exist in ourselves at all. Unlike Satan, who is only satiated when we actually act upon our unwanted desire, Lilith is satisfied when we simply recognize that those desires exist. In our society, we are heavily encouraged to deny our sexual desires. As such, Lilith is associated closely with sex, in particular, deviant or perverted sex. As we try to hide and pretend those unwanted desires are not really part of ourselves, and especially as we try to blame outside forces (like demons) when those desires become undeniable, Lilith is formed. Those real and active impulses need to go somewhere, right?.
She's hard to explain. To me, Lilith represents the truth. She might be the creation of all of the desires we try to discard as potentially harmful to our society, but she is still a part of who we are. To understand Lilith is to understand ourselves more fully. But to recognize and acknowledge Lilith isn't the same thing as actually indulging in unwanted desires. Those are two very different things! The entire reason Lilith is formed is so that we do not recognize those deviant, wrong, perverted, and immoral desires coming from ourselves; if we don't desire it, we won't do it (or so our minds' hope). When we actually do act out those unwanted behaviors, then we cross into the realm of the Satanic.
So Lilith, in a way, actually represents a barrier in between what we consider "good" and "evil." In keeping us unaware of our potential to do "evil," Lilith functions to keep us from actually doing it.
I'll use one of my own taboo desires and subsequent behaviors to help illustrate this. Though this relates to how Lilith operates on a personal level, a similar process applies to our culture as well.
For most of my life I tried to deny those sexual impulses of mine which I thought would not be acceptable for a woman of my status and position in life. In particular, I tried to refrain from sleeping with men who I did not know well. I always tried to keep sex within a relationship. Basically I didn't sleep around.
But I went beyond just not sleeping around. I began to actually believe that I didn't want to sleep around. I convinced myself that I was above any desire to be at all promiscuous. I had class and dignity and self-respect, all traits that are cultivated and refined in somebody who can maintain control over her impulses and desires. I controlled my desires. I decided which desires came from me, and which did not.
So I repressed my desire to have unattached sex. I disowned it, and occasionally displaced it onto others. But it was always there. Sometimes I satisfied the desire through fantasy. Other times I vicariously fulfilled it through watching porn. Sometimes both. But I always did so in a way in which I could, ultimately, distance myself from being responsible for the desire. If I did recognize the desire in me, it was always because of "alcohol," or "stress," or a long period of abstinence. It was never MY desire.
As I lived out my daily life, my desire to engage in promiscuous sex started to grow. As it grew, it became more perverted, unconventional, and taboo. The more it grew, the more I had to deny its existence. But the more it grew, the more I could not deny its existence. Eventually the original desire, that of sleeping around, became utterly transformed and manifested in the nearly unrecognizable form of wanting to get gangbanged, used, and objectified by a bunch of strange men in a porn theater. Once my desire reached that point, I decided to take heed.
Lilith represents that process by which my desire was hidden, warped, strengthened and then realized. When I felt compelled to hide the desire from myself (basically when I found myself outraged by the initial thought of being promiscuous), that was Lilith being born. When I found myself tacitly enjoying porn when nobody was watching, that was Lilith taking her first steps and growing. When I fantasied about more and more unconventional types of sex while still believing I was "respectable", that was Lilith entering adulthood. And when I finally found myself in that theater with dozens of men, doing things that might even cause a porn star's' eyes to widen, that was Lilith becoming in me.
It was in that theater that I finally came face to face with my hidden desire to be a promiscuous. That was the moment in which Lilith was fully alive in me. By that time, I had not just wanted to be promiscuous. I wanted to be cummed on, opened up, pinned down, anally fucked, and used and abused beyond anything I could possibly deem "respectable." Lilith had taken my desire to protect my social dignity and transformed it into the exact opposite! In that theater I wanted everyone to watch as I lost control and made myself into a whore. i wanted them to see me fall from grace, to sin, to get on my knees to serve.
So in my case Lilith wasn't the original desire to be promiscuous, nor was she the act of carrying out that desire. Lilith was simply the psychological backlash resulting from my denial of the existence of that original desire.
http://xhamster.com/photos/view/1329544-21853811.html
Michaela has written THE best account on Lilith I have ever seen. She took the important parts of all the stories about Lilith and put them into a very concise, but thorough narrative. I was blown away when I read it because I have never been able to find such a complete description of Lilith. I would defintitely check out her blog.
But I think if Lilith could ever actually be summarized, it would just be that she is the representation of the force that threatens the establishment. Because our culture is predominantly male, she is personified in female form. She is the spirit that is born BECAUSE of male dominance, but she is also the force that threatens to undermine that dominance. She is all the desires our culture represses for the sake of law, and order, and civility. She is the tension that builds and feeds upon our attempts to deny that certain desires of ours even exist.
None of this makes her evil, mind you. She isn't a Satanic figure, who arises as we deny acting upon our desires. Lilith arises when we deny that those desires don't exist in ourselves at all. Unlike Satan, who is only satiated when we actually act upon our unwanted desire, Lilith is satisfied when we simply recognize that those desires exist. In our society, we are heavily encouraged to deny our sexual desires. As such, Lilith is associated closely with sex, in particular, deviant or perverted sex. As we try to hide and pretend those unwanted desires are not really part of ourselves, and especially as we try to blame outside forces (like demons) when those desires become undeniable, Lilith is formed. Those real and active impulses need to go somewhere, right?.
She's hard to explain. To me, Lilith represents the truth. She might be the creation of all of the desires we try to discard as potentially harmful to our society, but she is still a part of who we are. To understand Lilith is to understand ourselves more fully. But to recognize and acknowledge Lilith isn't the same thing as actually indulging in unwanted desires. Those are two very different things! The entire reason Lilith is formed is so that we do not recognize those deviant, wrong, perverted, and immoral desires coming from ourselves; if we don't desire it, we won't do it (or so our minds' hope). When we actually do act out those unwanted behaviors, then we cross into the realm of the Satanic.
So Lilith, in a way, actually represents a barrier in between what we consider "good" and "evil." In keeping us unaware of our potential to do "evil," Lilith functions to keep us from actually doing it.
I'll use one of my own taboo desires and subsequent behaviors to help illustrate this. Though this relates to how Lilith operates on a personal level, a similar process applies to our culture as well.
For most of my life I tried to deny those sexual impulses of mine which I thought would not be acceptable for a woman of my status and position in life. In particular, I tried to refrain from sleeping with men who I did not know well. I always tried to keep sex within a relationship. Basically I didn't sleep around.
But I went beyond just not sleeping around. I began to actually believe that I didn't want to sleep around. I convinced myself that I was above any desire to be at all promiscuous. I had class and dignity and self-respect, all traits that are cultivated and refined in somebody who can maintain control over her impulses and desires. I controlled my desires. I decided which desires came from me, and which did not.
So I repressed my desire to have unattached sex. I disowned it, and occasionally displaced it onto others. But it was always there. Sometimes I satisfied the desire through fantasy. Other times I vicariously fulfilled it through watching porn. Sometimes both. But I always did so in a way in which I could, ultimately, distance myself from being responsible for the desire. If I did recognize the desire in me, it was always because of "alcohol," or "stress," or a long period of abstinence. It was never MY desire.
As I lived out my daily life, my desire to engage in promiscuous sex started to grow. As it grew, it became more perverted, unconventional, and taboo. The more it grew, the more I had to deny its existence. But the more it grew, the more I could not deny its existence. Eventually the original desire, that of sleeping around, became utterly transformed and manifested in the nearly unrecognizable form of wanting to get gangbanged, used, and objectified by a bunch of strange men in a porn theater. Once my desire reached that point, I decided to take heed.
Lilith represents that process by which my desire was hidden, warped, strengthened and then realized. When I felt compelled to hide the desire from myself (basically when I found myself outraged by the initial thought of being promiscuous), that was Lilith being born. When I found myself tacitly enjoying porn when nobody was watching, that was Lilith taking her first steps and growing. When I fantasied about more and more unconventional types of sex while still believing I was "respectable", that was Lilith entering adulthood. And when I finally found myself in that theater with dozens of men, doing things that might even cause a porn star's' eyes to widen, that was Lilith becoming in me.
It was in that theater that I finally came face to face with my hidden desire to be a promiscuous. That was the moment in which Lilith was fully alive in me. By that time, I had not just wanted to be promiscuous. I wanted to be cummed on, opened up, pinned down, anally fucked, and used and abused beyond anything I could possibly deem "respectable." Lilith had taken my desire to protect my social dignity and transformed it into the exact opposite! In that theater I wanted everyone to watch as I lost control and made myself into a whore. i wanted them to see me fall from grace, to sin, to get on my knees to serve.
So in my case Lilith wasn't the original desire to be promiscuous, nor was she the act of carrying out that desire. Lilith was simply the psychological backlash resulting from my denial of the existence of that original desire.
12 years ago
