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A brief story of....The birth of Beth

A brief story of….The birth of Beth



I knew from a very young age that I was different. Maybe I was born this way, maybe it had something to do with spending most of my time with females. My aunt my grandmother my mom my sister…… who knows. I used to play with my sister more than anyone else, we would play dress up, make up, dolls and make believe stuff. First openly but then more discreetly after my father got mad at me a few times saying that’s not how boys behave. I would also sneak clothes and undies from my sister and mother and wear them in private, it just felt natural to me. My father actually caught me one time going through my mothers things, he dropped my pants right there and beat my butt. That wasn’t enough to stop me though. Later that night laying naked under the covers, my ass red and hot, I relived the incident stroking my cock until I came all over myself and my sheets. Then fell asleep all sticky and cummy. This continued over the years, I was just more careful not to get caught.
When I turned sixteen I had my first sexual encounter with a friend, (My first time… with a boy), and shortly after that moved out on my own. I was going to school during the day and working fast food at night. Back then you could find an apartment pretty cheap, unlike today. I found a three bedroom in my price range with plans to find roommates. My first choice was a male friend who recently opened up to me that he was gay but only a couple others knew this and he wanted to keep it that way, which was perfect because I wanted discretion as well. My next choice was very open minded and private, I found out later that he was bi. I didn’t have the amount of privacy that I would have liked with two roommates but I was still able to dress once in awhile and I would also wear sexy things under my clothes during the day. It was a fun time, we constantly had people over, we had some wild parties, I was able to dress at times and was able to explore a bit sexually. I had my first bbc up my ass at a hot (Teenage Party). Life was good until a disagreement with a roommate caused him to blab all over school how I like to wear girls things under my clothes. Out of complete embarrassment I ran, I left everything behind and took a bus to Florida to stay with an aunt. While I was there she convinced me to come back and finish school, I was already in my senior year and didn’t have much longer. I took her advice, returned, kept to myself, ignored everyone as much as possible and finished out the year.
I had no idea what I would do after graduation, what I did know is that I wanted to be away from here, away from the dirty looks and talking behind my back. At that time we had military recruiters at our school weekly handing out brochures and talking with k**s. Without much thought at all I signed up for the Army and left right after graduation.
I knew immediately the Army wasn’t for me, I knew I wouldn’t be making a life out of it but it gave me some much needed time to think and to find myself so to speak. When I returned home I got a job a new apartment and tried to be the man society thought I should be. Things would go well for awhile but then I would become miserable, depressed and close myself off from the world. Beth was fighting to get out, to be part of my life and I kept pushing her back down. Finally I would give in and go out and buy some girly clothes and make up. I would dress in the privacy of my own home and told nobody about it. I learned from passed experience. When I did I realized how happier I felt, I wasn’t miserable anymore or depressed . I would always get to a point though where I felt guilty, dirty, like there was something wrong with me and I would throw everything away and try to be a proper man once again. I don’t know how many times I bought things then threw them away just to buy them again later down the road. I tried dating girls like I was supposed to do but the relationships never lasted. It isn’t because I didn’t like girls because I did and still do. I think girls are the most beautiful creature on earth. It was because I couldn’t be myself. I couldn’t be Beth, even part time, or people would laugh at me and make me feel bad like they did in the past.
I lived in the shadows for a long time, alone, living a double life...and always feeling like there was something wrong with me.

Published by wanabgurl
12 years ago
Comments
6
Leomoore
Leomoore 7 months ago
I do hope Beth lived a happy life.  Best wishes xxx
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wanabgurl
wanabgurl Publisher 9 years ago
to jaygomez1958 : the best feeling is when you find out you're not alone:)
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jaygomez1958 9 years ago
wow I was that way for so long I was thirty something when I realized I was a gurl inside Jay
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wanabgurl
wanabgurl Publisher 11 years ago
to triciajay : that's very sweet of you :) thanx hon. xoxo
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triciajay
triciajay 11 years ago
Love your story and so glad that Beth found a way to come out! You are a special lady. Thanks for sharing your life. Tricia
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prairieFreak13
prairieFreak13 11 years ago
Yes, your story sounds alot like mine sweetie!
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