Things NOT to say during or after sex.

1. Did I not mention the video camera?
2. Can you please pass me the TV remote control?
3. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
4. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
5. Got any penicillin?
6. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
7. When is this supposed to feel good?
8. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
9. This would be more fun with a few more people..
10. Perhaps you're just out of practice
11. You look younger than you feel
12. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
13. You'll still vote for me, won't you?
14. When would you like to meet my parents?
15. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed
16. No, really... I do this part better myself!
17. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...
18. Have you ever thought of embracing Jesus as your personal lord and saviour?
19. Wake me up when you've finished ok
20. You think my boobs are big now, wait till I'm 16.

Published by scuzzbucket101

11 years ago

Comments

How can we both have worn condoms?

andrea0817 11 years ago

Are you in yet?

gabbriella 11 years ago

"really?!!! 2 cm shorter and it would be a clitoris "

mr_reez 11 years ago

"Is it ok if the family watch?" "Welcome to the Fritzl family!" "6.0 5.9 5.8 5.9 ..." "Sorry, but the vacancy has been filled..."

mr_reez 11 years ago

"Is it true ugly birds are the best fuck?"

mr_reez 11 years ago

"Do you also find that it burns when you pee?" " Nice penis, just like the one I used to have" "for fuck's sake! I forgot to go to the STD clinic today" "Your turn now, Dad" "Please save all the cum, I want to try a new recipe" "Pleased to meet you, my name is Peter Sutcliffe"

JoeJackm 11 years ago

"What IS that smell?" "Has it always looked like that?" "Of course I like seeing your face when we fuck...I just like watching the rolls of fat in your back jiggle when I fuck you from behind." -

richrt 11 years ago

have you met my father

mike0207 11 years ago

What do you not want to hear during good seks???? HONEY,I'M HOME !!! LOL

DanielPortenio 11 years ago

This happened near 1980, in Buenos Aires, with a woman who was my girlfriend for twenty years more. I was in bed, over her, and said "qué linda gordita!", which means "what a nice fatty girl". She got clothed and went away.

George178 11 years ago

21. (Her to him) Is it in? 22. (Him to her) Is it in? 23. My goodness! I can FEEL it again! 24. That HURTS! 25. WE'RE pregnant! 26. OH, I forgot to tell you, I'm fertile today. 27. Well, that's too bad, cause I been fixed. 28. What'd you say your name was? 29. When do you want to get married, now? 30. Is that IT?!

mr_reez 11 years ago

You forgot that classic, scuzz: "You're not as tight as your sister"

beardedlion 11 years ago

to scuzzbucket101 : Right you are. I'm a fan of puns and 'play on word' jokes. Though they make my lovely bride groan. Serves her right for not doing a complete background check before marrying me.

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scuzzbucket101 Publisher 11 years ago

to beardedlion : He He. I find them and use them in my status line all the time. Why stop now? It's all there for the taking. Cheers Scuzzer.

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beardedlion 11 years ago

LOL . . . These are great. The internet is such a great place to find humor. I guess I should stop using them in my 'status line' now.