Hope for the closeted

I am one of the few in this world who can say I am living my lifelong dream. From the age of 6 or 7 til 40 the only constant thing I really ever wanted was to be/live as a female. To be known as and thought of as a girl/woman. That desire has now been realized for the last 14 months. I am dirt poor financially but I would not go back to presenting myself as male for any amount of money. I am Alicia Nicole to everyone I associate with and everyone I meet. I am excepted and respected. It was far easier than my shamed, fearful closeted self every imagined and I promise you nobody cares or judges you half as much as you think they do or as we think they will.

I dont go out 'dressed up'. I go out dressed just as any woman does. I personally dont frequent gay/trans friendly establishments. To me they were just a stepping stone, the bunny hill, like training wheels on a bike. There is no challenge there. The challenge is the DMV, the NASCAR race, the poker table at Bellagio. I go everywhere any normal woman would go and the more I am ignored the more successful I feel in my presentation. I am astounded by how quickly my confidence grew from peeking out a motel room door and rushing to the car with my head down to checking in a Las Vegas hotel. I promise you that once you pull the trigger it only gets easier at a rapid pace. I look people straight in the eye and could care less whether they 'know' or not rather than looking at the ground praying to not be read. I wear short sun dresses and wedges to the supermarket and love it when someone refers to me as 'she' or 'her' as in 'she wants double bags' or 'can you help her find the organic foods section' LOL--The simple pleasures are the sweetest.

I promise you the later in life you wait to become who you really are the more silly you will feel for allowing the fear of what other people 'might' think control your happiness. It takes big balls to be a girl and more courage than most people will ever need to exhibit. But, like jumping off the high dive as a k**, once you do it, you want to keep doing it over and over. I promise you that the sooner you say 'fuck it' and take the plunge the sooner your entire existence will become sweeter than you ever imagined! Expose yourself to your deepest fear, after that fear has no power, you are free! You only live once so Dream, believe, become, be happy!! Love, Alicia Nicole May 30, 2016