What Does Having Friends on xHamster Even Mean?

So, uh, this has been something I've always had an issue with in regards to xHamster and I guess socializing on a pornsite in general as far as this concept goes. This kind of question will give a whole variety of different answers and reasons depending on the person and how they value such things. However, to me, it's always has and always will puzzle me greatly on this site.

What does it mean, to you, to add someone as a friend on xHamster? Why do you do it? What do you get out of it?

You look around xHamster profiles and the average person will have over 300 friends added. Some have up to 1,000. Others can have up to 4,000. And even higher than that. It is almost impossible to literally befriend over 100 real life people with constant contacting and interaction. Good luck trying to keep a stable, interactive and actual friendship with over 300 or even 1,000 other people. Even if it is through the Internet and text based messaging, it's unrealistic. The human brain can only store so much information without catching on fire and exploding. You'd be stressed out beyond belief trying to talk to so many people daily...

Then why? Why do people on their profiles have over 300 to over 4,000 friends added on xHamster? What is the point? What is the reasoning behind it?

Is it a numbers game? To add as many as you can just to see the numbers go up? Do you not really care about the individual you're adding?

Is it to keep tabs on specific people so you don't have to bookmark their profile to whatever Internet browser you're using? So you can just have a quick click to their profile to see their uploads/favorites?

Is it because you have that slight similar interest in them and that makes them seem cool? But a week or so later, you just end up forgetting about them or not even contacting them rendering the whole thing pointless, so... why?

I've had someone who wanted to add me as a friend for the sole reason because they liked my profile picture and they like anime. That's it. Okay. What does that have to do with me, though? Why add me? There's nothing else that I offer that interests or warrants discussion or interaction between us so then... why?

I just fail to completely understand. I can't wrap my head around it at all.

It's not very often that people add me on here anyway, but every time I see an invite on the screen, I get puzzling thoughts in my head. Especially if it's a female user. I don't have any uploads of myself on my profile so nothing is showing me or displaying me in any way or shape possible. No images and no videos of myself. I mostly just favorite stuff on here and rarely upload, so if people want to add me as a friend for those rare times that I upload something... then why don't they just use the subscribe feature? At least then you'll know if I upload something. It's there for a reason. I get people wanting to keep tabs on my favorites or whatever; a lot of people do that around here it seems... or at least that's my main assumption. But you don't have to add me as a friend to do that... And nothing I upload or favorite is locked behind such privacy options that require friend status to even look at.

*Sigh*

Look, nobody is reading this. Why would they when they could be spending better time masturbating to their favorite genres and content? I suppose I just wanted to vent and express my confusion about this whole "friends" thing on xHamster and what it even truly stands for... This isn't YouTube where friends = subscribers and gettin' dat YouTube money. I just... I don't know... For how little interaction I get around this site, I fail to see why I have any friends here at all. I only talk to like one person somewhat daily at out of the 96 (as of this post) friends I currently have... Why do people even want to bother with me at all in the first place anyway? I'm sure this blog post (if anyone bothers to read it at all) will have pissed off any of the people that I currently have as friends and want to unfriend me. Which is fine. Understandable. I expect it and say I had it coming...

Published by TheLoneJacker

8 years ago

Comments

e-mustall 6 years ago

I've noticed that I tend to weed out the people that I don't interact with via comments, messages, etc. I truly like talking to people when I can on Xhamster. Otherwise... it''s pointless to have a ton of people. Especially as someone that isn't trying to be the next porn anything.

itsme2853 7 years ago

the main reason I friend is there is something in their profile I like or want to see again, a vid, pic, story and it's easy to find again in my friends list. plus sometimes I actually chat with people of same interests or fantasies. also when I am invited, I just don't want to appear rude by denying them and not being a jerk is free, so wth.

Defaultxpz 7 years ago

I mostly add people that has the same interests than me, also, I kind of like seeing the numbers rise up.

TheFutaLover 8 years ago

to TheLoneJacker : Chances are if they like hentai, they probably like anime and manga, too. Try talking about those. And another word of advice, you got to stop with the self deprecation. It's a huge negative.

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TheLoneJacker Publisher 8 years ago

to TheFutaLover : Maybe... Then again, I'm not a very sociable person myself either. Thus the hypocrisy. Mainly because I find myself to be a boring POS that I struggle to find a topic worth discussing. Hm.

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TheFutaLover 8 years ago

to TheLoneJacker : Like I said before; The most common reason, I believe, is that you have content people like, even as favorites, and want to hard subscribe to the things you upload/favorite. And you shouldn't feel guilty. If people don't talk to you, even occasionally, and you'd rather have people that are sociable, unfriend 'em. It's okay . Whether you do or do not, is fine either way.

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TheLoneJacker Publisher 8 years ago

to TheFutaLover : I don't know... For the most part, people will add me as a friend. I very rarely send people a friend request. So if people want to add me as a friend, then there was clearly something there to warrant that. Due to my nature and how I am, I don't really like unfriending people unless it's really necessary (like spam or doing something to anger me). I just feel guilty otherwise. I guess I'm just being a big hypocrite in some ways about this...

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TheFutaLover 8 years ago

to TheLoneJacker : If there's no interaction for months upon months, especially if you've never even exchanged messages, and you feel that their addition to your friend's list is unnecessary, you are totally within your power to remove them. No one's going to fault you for actually wanting friends on a porn site. And if anyone does, that's their problem.

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TheLoneJacker Publisher 8 years ago

to palespectre : It doesn't bother me, but rather just has me extremely curious as what a friends list means to some people and how they value it. While I would appreciate some form of interaction from the majority on my friends list, I'm not expecting constant attention every single day. I'm fine with chatting once every week or two weeks like on an acquaintance level of friendship. It just bothers me when someone adds and there is nothing going on for months and months. I just question as to what the point even was at that point other than to keep tabs on my profile or whatever. I'm not trying to guilt or coax people at all. I know my personality is nothing exciting or even interesting. Which is why I question it and why anyone would bother with me. But again, it just seems like most people who add friends on xHamster just want to keep tabs on profiles than to interact. That much, yes, I will just have to learn to accept over time.

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palespectre 8 years ago

to TheLoneJacker : "there has to be a hard limit and some form of standard" Why? Does it bother you when other people have long friend lists? "I've tried interacting and most of the time it just results in messages being read, but never bothering to reply back" I think this statement is very telling, and maybe it's what you're really trying to get at in this blog post. What you really want is for everyone on your friends list to notice you and explicitly tell you that they want to be your friend. That doesn't always happen on social media, you're just going to have to accept that. Some people will reply to your messages and interact with you, some people won't. It happens to everyone, and you shouldn't take it personally. I think we've had this conversation before, but you need stop doing that weird thing where you tell people that you don't deserve to be friends with them. I think what you're doing is you're trying to guilt or coax people into telling you that they want to be friends. It's not an attractive behavior, it's going to backfire, and people will start to actively dislike you. I think you'll have much better responses from people once you drop the whole "why would you want to be my friend?" routine.

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TheLoneJacker Publisher 8 years ago

to palespectre : Fun to network with people who may not even have the intention of interaction? I've tried interacting and most of the time it just results in messages being read, but never bothering to reply back. Doesn't really sound like fun to me. I can understand the joy of having your profile appear in a vast amount of different xHamster users, but at the same time there has to be a hard limit and some form of standard. You can't just be willing to add every single person. And as someone who rarely uploads content and mostly favorites stuff, it doesn't really mean much for me to have more traffic coming to my profile. Unless I were to man up and put up my own content of myself or something...

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palespectre 8 years ago

It's fun to network with people, I don't think it's something that requires explanation. It's true, not everyone you add on xhamster is going to become your best friend, but it's nice having your profile linked with their profile, and if you want to become closer friends the option is always there. Also, more friends means more traffic on your xhamster account.

TheLoneJacker Publisher 8 years ago

At least you're trying to interact and get to know the people you talk to as you befriend them. I appreciate the effort. I know it's a pornsite, though, and people usually just want to get their rocks going. Not many are here for actual interaction (unless they're trying to score). If people are picking favorite content from users and like what they offer, but just that, that's usually why they want to add someone as a friend and keep tabs on them. Easier access to the material so they can continue to enjoy the content rather than the users themselves.

TheLoneJacker Publisher 8 years ago

to edpz445 : I suppose that kind of feeling is nice when it happens. The feeling of "I added a friend. Yay. And I didn't really have to interact with the guy!" while a good feeling for some people, it is also a very quick and fleeting feeling as well as by the end of the day/week, they usually don't have that same feel good feeling they had when they added someone. It's like a fast high for emotion or something. You're right about people adding others as friends on video games as well; I get this faaar too often and the end result is usually as you said; zero intention of playing anything with them or even talking. It feels like a similar occurrence on xHamster as well for the mostly the same reason; the numbers game.

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TheLoneJacker Publisher 8 years ago

to TheFutaLover : It is true that adding someone as a friend will automatically subscribe them to that profile allowing them to get updates on statuses, blog posts, and uploads on videos and galleries. One always has the option to unsubscribe from someones profile feed, still keep them as a friend as well. If that is the case, though, I just fail to see why friendship status is a prerequisite for that when someone can just simply hit the subscriber button. The only justification I can see for that is as you said, having fans and if you're an original content creator and upload frequently, then it makes sense to has as many fans (friends) as you can get and play the numbers game. Which, if that is the obvious goal and intention, is OK even if it is a bit inappropriate of what the feature is actually intended for. I want to say most of the people who have wanted to add me as a friend on here is mainly because of the the content on my profile; possibly towards my favorites more than my uploads considering how little I have uploaded. And that's... fine, I guess. It makes sense if that's how people want to keep tabs on my profile. And I've never really see it as potential dates DESPITE profiles and users being under the "DATING" tab of xHamster's browsing site. Kind of ironic. But at least you've got a set rule as to how you approach users and friend requests. Though if I decided to remove people I don't talk to or see online for a long time, then I'd probably have a minimum of 10 friends at the moment.

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edpz445 8 years ago

Well it´s always a nice feeling when someone you think you would like as a friend accepts a friend request.. So... maybe these people can experience that feeling on a large scale and without any kind of interaction with the people they´re sending the request to ! But seriously I´ve sort of always wondered about this type of thing too. I guess this might be a little different but people do this on video games all the time.. Like why friend people when you have zero intention of playing anything with them or even ever talking to them at all ? Like sure as the receiver of the friend request it can be nice to have people acknowledge your existence or think that maybe the person actually liked something about you and weren´t just randomly trying to friend you.. ( jeez.. that sounded more sad than I thought it would ;-; ) But what can the person accumulating all of these friends really get out of it ? Other than seeing a number increase

TheFutaLover 8 years ago

For the people with tons of friends, they can be seen as fans. Since, unless they're unsubscribed, friends will see any post you make. Gallery, video, blog or status update. And as fans, they can favorite it, share it. Spread your stuff. More fans, the better. Other times, people could just like the content on a profile. Favorites, even. The stuff liked. And when they see that friend online, one could possibly think "Oh, they're going to post or favorite more cool stuff I like" And if they're feeling up to it, socialize with them and talk about more porn and share more. Maybe eventually becoming actual friends and talk about life and hobbies. And another reason could be potential dates. But I don't see or hear a lot about people using the site as a dating platform, but the options are there, so I assume it's happening. Those are the most common reasons I can think of. I hardly ever send friend requests myself and only accept if they got nice content, even favorites at least, or could potentially be a new chatter. After a while, I remove people I don't talk to or see come online for a long time