The Sad Acceptance...Please read.

This is possibly the hardest piece of writing that I will ever post on here, and it's one which is extremely personal, but I do value people's constructive responses, ideas and criticism (as long as it is CONstructive).

Coming to the realization that there is no help left for me is something that I have accepted. I will no longer fight for myself in order to help myself, yet I can only now just accept what is.

This is not the same as giving up, by any means, it is simply admitting defeat, and accepting the way things have to be.

It is obvious (and very clear to me) that people like myself exist in this world and possibly die alone. This ALSO is not something which I say lightly, or with any form of malicious intent or even sadness really (although the concept it incredibly sad for me to deal with).

I have wandered this vanilla earth for a very long time now, and have had cravings for fetishes which others look down upon, and which others turn their nose up at, not just because they're "unaccepted", or "gross" etc, but because they truly do not understand a person's want or need for those types of things.

To be placed in a category by peers where you're seemed as strange, unwanted, unlovable or just plain weird is hard to deal with, and this I do say with a lot of sadness and empathy for others like myself.

Nobody wants to be labelled, because labels, as you know, stick, and nobody likes to be "stuck", so to speak.

This point in time is a challenging one, is one where I have been forced to accept that living with fetishes in my mind, soul and body are all that I can ever expect. This pains me to no end, and is something I struggle with every passing day.

It is what keeps me awake at night, it is what haunts me. Nobody likes to have things denied or taken away from them which they desire.

I have sought so long with an open mind and heart for commitment, acceptance and participation, yet I have come to the simple conclusion that FOR ME that simply does not (or can not) exist.

This is NOT because I will not allow it. This is NOT through lack of trying. This is NOT through lack of putting myself out there and giving it a damn good go.

Human beings all have needs, but when someone's needs are not met, this causes great problems, and usually interferes with their life in ways which are disruptive, and painful for the person (and often those around them).

I fear that I have grown angry, and very bitter about myself through this process, and yet I still have not taken my anger or bitterness out on anyone else. I am a relatively kind, good-natured person.

I have often wondered if I would have had a very different life, had my needs and desires been met, and the answer is simply YES, I would have.
I would have been content, satisfied, happy and very much accepted both within myself and by someone else.
This, however, is not how things always go.

Accepting that this is "as good as it can get" is not easy, nor is it something I WANT to do, but I feel it is necessary.

I have STALLED, come to a point where the road is blocked and there is simply no way around, over or through it without help.

I have exhausted all avenues of help, and been rejected from those who I have asked.

My advice to those who are living their fetish dream (I am sure there's many of you!) - take what you have and enjoy every minute of it, savor it for what it is, and don't ever ask for more than what you truly want and desire - be happy with what you have, and strive for fulfillment in that.

Again, I do welcome any constructive comments, ideas or offers of help ;-)