Why I'm such a selfish bitch

So I've been on here for a long time (over 6 years) and as I'm sure you can all imagine, the question I get asked all the time is "why don't you upload any pics/vids of yourself?"
I realise this is a sharing site, and I'm eternally grateful to all of you wonderful people who do upload, but I just don't have the confidence to do it myself.

Years ago, when I was in college, I used to spend loads of my time on MSN messenger (that's showing my age now, lol, k**s today probably wouldn't have even heard of it) I had all of my friends on there, including a creepy guy who I knew had always had a thing for me, but I wasn't interested. He was part of my group of friends though so I chatted to him, and I still considered him a friend. He introduced me to an American friend he had on MSN, and we got chatting from there. We'd chat most nights, and we started getting quite close. I'd stay up until the early hours talking to him because of the time difference, and of course as it was late at night I'd be browsing a bit of porn whole we chatted, so I'd be pretty horny (hey a girl's got needs, lol)
As we chatted the conversations got more and more sexual, and I really fancied the guy so I certainly wasn't going to stop it. We'd talk about what we wanted to do to each other if we ever met up, and my pussy was always soaking wet whenever I talked to him. He started sending me pics, and so I sent him some back, I was smitten so I did whatever he asked. I sent pics of my tits, my pussy all swollen and covered in my creamy juices after I'd cum, my arsehole with a Sharpie sticking out of it, my filthy panties stuffed in my mouth, just to name a few. Whatever he wanted I was happy to do, I was his slut and I loved him.
One day at college we were hanging out, and it ended up just being me and the guy who introduced us. We were chatting, and he said I seemed to be getting really close with Alex (that was the American guy's name) I said yeah, but he kept pressing on, saying that he'd said how freaky I was with him. I was getting really uncomfortable by this stage, and I said I'm sure Alex wouldn't have said that. He then just said to me "I am Alex" and gave me a big grin.
I was devastated by this, I honestly thought I was falling for someone, only to find it had all been a lie. He sat close to me and started stroking my thigh, and said quietly "I really enjoyed your pictures you sexy little slut" I think in his mind that would be a sexy thing to say but I just had to get out of there, my head was spinning.
That evening I went online and he messaged me, using his "Alex" account which was even more insulting. He apologised first of all but I wasn't interested, I felt used and decieved. When he realised I wasn't going to accept it he changed his tactic, and pointed out that he still had all the pictures I'd sent him. He threatened to show all our friends what a slut I was unless I did what he wanted. By this stage I was just broken, so I just said "fine" to keep him quiet and logged off.
The next evening we were all going out to our local rock club, I didn't feel like it but I wanted to drown my sorrows, and when I subtly asked another one if my friends, she said he wasn't coming tonight. So I went out and guess what, he did fucking turn up. I spent the evening with his creepy pervy eyes all over me, and had to act like nothing was wrong. In the early hours of the morning we called it a night, and guess who offered to walk me home? As we walked home he tried to chat like nothing was wrong, but I wasn't talking to him. As we walked past a park he looked at me and grinned, and said "I think it's time you earned my silence" and grabbed my hand. He led me to a bench where he sat down and pulled out his cock, it was already rock hard and admittedly it was massive. "Suck it" he said bluntly, and I don't know if it was because I was really drunk or I just didn't care anymore, but I did it. I know my way around a cock, and I think it's safe to say he'd been planning for this a long time, so he didn't last long. I stroked his balls while taking his shaft all the way to my throat, and before I knew it he was flooding my mouth with his cum. I swallowed it down and stood up, and he reached under my skirt and felt my pussy through my panties. I was horrified to realise I was soaking wet, and he noticed straight away too, grinning like an idiot.
He pulled the crotch to one side and roughly slid 2 fingers into my slick cunt. He fingered me as I stood infront of him, the taste of his cum still in my mouth, I got caught in the moment and was thrusting against his fingers. I moaned loudly as my juices were running down his hand. He added a third finger and I thought fuck it, if he's going to blackmail me I'm going to take charge. I pulled his fingers out of my dripping wet pussy, taking them in my mouth to taste my hot juices as I straddled him. I sat down quickly on his lap, his big hard cock slid all the way inside my soaking wet cunt with virtually no resistance. I rode him hard, feeling like a complete slut and not caring. It didn't take long for me to cum, but he still came for a second time before me. As I felt his warm cum inside me I moaned into his ear as I came "oh Alex"
I still don't know if I did that to try and prove to him it wasn't him I was actually thinking about, or if I actually was still thinking about this person who I thought I loved, even if he didn't really exist. He didn't seem to care though, he was just happy he finally got to fuck me. I climbed off of him, our juices dripping out of my cunt onto his lap, and told him we're even now. We walked the rest of the way home in silence, and I went straight to bed.
When I woke up the next morning I realised what I'd done was probably a drunken mistake, but I thought fuck it, hopefully that would put an end to it. I was horribly wrong though, I underestimated what a worm he really was. I logged onto my computer and saw I had an email from another one of my friends. He said that last night when the prick had got home he had emailed all our guy friends telling them exactly what had happened, saying I was a great easy fuck, and he'd attached all the pictures I'd sent him. I was mortified, I couldn't believe he actually did it.
After that everything changed, I felt I couldn't face my friends knowing they'd all seen that side of me. He tried to apologise saying he didn't even remember sending the email because he was so drunk, but I just slapped him right in the face and refused to speak to him again. I dropped out of college soon afterwards, not just because of what happened but it definitely didn't help.

Anyway sorry for the essay, I just thought it might help people understand why I'm not comfortable sharing myself on here, and I just felt like venting. I didn't write it to get sympathy, it's just something that happened in my life and it helped shape who I am today (not that that's necessarily a good thing, lol) I keep my online slutty side and my real life separate, because I really don't feel I can trust people are who they say they are online. I'm sure some of the people reading this now are fakes, so just remember there's a real person on the other end of the screen.

Sorry if this was a bit if a depressing read, I did try including some naughty details just so you all wouldn't get too bored, lol. I might write some more in the future, don't worry though my next post will be much more filthy sexytime and less drama, lol.