Video Transcription
What in fucking Satan's ass crack are you even fucking doing out here, bro?
I was shoveling compost heap yesterday, and cousin Bryce told me that my ass was so fucking white that I need to get a tan on it.
You were shoveling compost? How the fuck did he even see your ass? That's what I want to know.
I had a court date later that day, and I only have one pair of pants, so I was wearing a jockstrap.
You only have one pair of fucking pants? You felon! Like, what the fuck is wrong with you, dude?